


Letters

by sherlockian4evr



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Apologies, Epistolary, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:20:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28860213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlockian4evr/pseuds/sherlockian4evr
Summary: John tries to connect with Sherlock after the incident at the morgue. He reaches out via several letters. Sherlock is still operating under the impression that Mary's death is his fault.
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Comments: 18
Kudos: 93





	1. Chapter 1

Sherlock,

I have tried so many times to find the right words to say to you, but when I start to speak to you, I can't. My tongue gets tied. I am writing them down instead. Maybe this is better anyway.

So.

I need to apologise to you for so many things. I'll start with the easy one. I never should have called you a machine. The moment you acted like you didn't care about Mrs. Hudson, I should have known something was wrong. You care about her so much. I never should have doubted you.

When you jumped, yes, it nearly broke me, but you had good reasons for what you did. Instead of hitting you like that, I should have listened to you. I don't mean in the angry way that I did that night. I mean, I should have really listened. I don't know why you gave me another chance after that, but I am grateful you did.

There are probably a hundred other little things I should apologise for, but the big one is hanging over us still, isn't it?

Mary.

I regret that I made you think, even for one second, that her death was your fault. It wasn't. I was angry and lashed out at you unfairly. Then what I did to you in the morgue. It is unforgivable. I don't know how to apologise for that. I may have broken us completely, and that scares me to death. I can't ask for your forgiveness because I don't deserve it.

If you have read this far, then know I will do anything, absolutely anything, if it will save our friendship. There is more that I want to say, but maybe I shouldn't say it right now.

Please, if there is any hope for us, tell me. I'll be waiting for as long as I need to in order to hear back from you.

John


	2. Chapter 2

John,

I hold no ill will towards you whatsoever. Nothing you have ever done has been unjustified. I am not a good man. I am a dangerous man. It would have been better had we never met. You would never have been so deeply wounded as you have by my acquaintance. As for myself

I do not wish to hurt you, but I must for your own good. Do not come to the flat for any reason. Do not phone, text, or write to me. Stay away. It is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Sherlock


	3. Chapter 3

Sherlock,

I came by Baker Street today. The front door was locked and my key no longer works. I can't say that I blame you. I deserve no less. I expect this letter to go into the fire unopened, but I have to try. It’s selfish of me, I know.

You are a good man. Dangerous? Yes, but never to me. You say I would be better off had we never met. I say I would be dead. Apply your deductive skills to the man I was when we first met and you will see it for yourself.

Your letter makes me worry about you. You still blame yourself for things that were beyond your control. Stop, I beg you. Don’t think ill of the best man I have ever known. That’s you, by the way.

I have to ask, are you taking care of yourself? Are you eating? Are you getting enough sleep? I worry about you. Sorry, I know you deplore repetition.

My biggest fear is that you have started using again. Tell me you haven't, please. You worked so hard to get clean, I don’t want imagine you throwing that away again.

If you should fall into one of your dark moods, please, please, please contact me. Failing that, go to Mycroft. He’s a git, but he means well.

John


	4. Chapter 4

John,

Go to Mycroft?! I thought better of you than that, John. I would ask if you had gone mad, but obviously you have. My life is none of that pompous arse's business, now or ever.

Mrs. Hudson makes sure I eat. You know I don’t require much sleep. As for my black moods, I survived them before we met. I can survive it now.

I will relieve your concern. I am still clean, though the drugs call to me daily. I am, unfortunately still being monitored by all of our ‘friends’.

Sherlock


	5. Chapter 5

John Watson to Sherlock Holmes – Return to sender


	6. Chapter 6

John Watson to Sherlock Holmes – Return to sender


	7. Chapter 7

Sherlock,

My last two letters came back unopened. I expect the same of this one, but I hope I am wrong.

I miss you so damned much. I can't sleep at night for thinking about you. My life has become boring again. I don’t just miss the cases, if that is what you are thinking. I miss you. I miss you your violin playing. I miss your mad experiments. I miss the random little things you do that drive others ‘round the twist.

The only bright spot is Rosie. You should see her, Sherlock. She is so smart. I imagine she is much like you were as a child. I can already see is going to be a difficult to keep her mentally challenged. You would do so much better than I am. I have included some photos. Look how much she has changed since you saw her last. Let me to bring her by to see you. I hate that she is growing up without you.

John


	8. Chapter 8

John,

Watson doesn’t need me. She has you. I would only destroy her life. I am already responsible for her growing up without her mother. What part of that don’t you understand? There is nothing you could conceivably say that would change my mind. Go on with your life, John, I implore you.

Sherlock


	9. Chapter 9

Sherlock,

I love you. I should have said it before. I. Love. You. There. I have put it on paper. That’s why I need you. That’s why I need you to forgive me. I can't stand that I caused you so much physical and mental pain, that I hurt someone I love so deeply. Please, let me come see you. Please.

With all my love, John


	10. Chapter 10

John,

You must know by now that I feel the same. That’s why I must continue to say no.

Sherlock


	11. Chapter 11

Sherlock,

That's all the more reason for you to let me visit. Everything you did, you did for me. I see that now. You saved my life. You jumped off Bart's for me. You forgave Mary. You planned my wedding. You killed Magnusson. You planned to go willingly into exile. You tried to keep us all safe when Mary's past caught up to her. You went to Hell to save me from myself. None of that will matter if you throw what we have away.

Love, John


	12. Chapter 12

Sherlock set John's last letter aside. After several minutes, he picked up his violin and started playing. He looked out the window as he played, thinking about all that had passed over the last several years. Coming to a decision, he sent a single text:

Come, if convenient. If inconvenient, come anyway. SH ---

* * *

John rushed to Baker Street where he found the door to 221 unlocked. He rushed up the 17 steps to B and through the door. “Could be dangerous,” he said.

Sherlock met his eyes. “And you came anyway.”

It wasn't easy, but they eventually worked through their issues. Life settled down into everyday domesticity punctuated by cases. At last, everything was more than a bit good.


End file.
